My hope in the human race has been restored

At approximately 0020 hours, at the Chatterbox Pub aka The Box located in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I witnessed an act that made me re-believe in the human race, not as a whole but in a small faction of people whom I'm proud to know. What was so profound that I had to blog about it you ask? Well, little one I'll tell you.

I witnessed The Music Bingo/Blogger Mafia consume copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and some chiefly feasts to boot. At the end of the night when presented their tab, they discovered a discrepancy. The Mafia was undercharged by a considerable amount. Their tab may have been a little light out of fear or respect, I guess we'll never know. The Mafia brought this to the attention to The Box manager Jay, whom I call White Chocolate. After much debate with the other Box staff, White Chocolate brought a new tab back to the Mafia table and charged them even less. This heroic act of integrity made me ashamed of all the times I'd been undercharged and never said a word. I'd like to recognize the following people who made my night who were there at the time:

Aliecat, Sandra, Jeremy, & this chick named Amanda who has a fabulous rack (according to Jeremy)

For the Mafia who were not there I have no doubt that you would've done the same thing.

For the rest of the world, please use integrity or fuck off.

P.S. Hedy & Lesley I personally miss you.

And I'd also like to announce my new DJ name as "DJ HOMES"

WORD....

Rheopalooza 2007

In order to get to know people I always ask them what bands they would have play at their own Lollapalooza Festival. The rules are you can invite 10 "acts", dead or alive. Here are mine in no particular order:

The Cure

Social Distortion

The Clash

The Beastie Boys

Van Halen (Diamond Dave on Vocs)

Tony Bennett

Bob Marley

Prince

AC/DC

Armand Van Helden (DJ)

WHO WOULD U INVITE?

I wear women's clothing & cry myself to sleep

A couple of months ago I won a trip to Cancun from B-96 an “urban” radio station in Mpls.

I usually never listen to B-96 but for some reason that morning I was in dire need of hearing some shitty rappers telling me how much Cristal they drink, “ice” on their watches and classy hoes they pull. I’ve actually had some Cristal before in VIP with the lead singer of Korn and we were surrounded by strippers but that’s another story. Maybe I spell Cristal wrong, who the fuck cares?

Anyway, Dr. Phil was running a promotion on the radio and people could call in and qualify for round trip airfare, and hotel accommodations for two. The morning crew wanted peple to call in with their problems and they would attempt to solve them. The person with the most crazy problem would win. So I listened in to the callers who pretty much had some lame run of the mill problems such as: my boyfriend won’t commit, I cheat on my girlfriend, I found out my boyfriend has a boyfriend, etc. Big fuckin’ deal who’s never had that shit happen? I decided to call in and be creative. So here’s what I said: I told them that I’m a fairly good lookin’ dude and I go out clubbing a lot and I try to pick up chicks. My problem was that I always get rejected for some reason so I end up going home and I put on a dress, a wig, and some makeup, and I cry my self to sleep and in the morning I feel better. I totally sold it. I swear the whole studio pissed them selves. So they started fucking with me telling me that I was a gay cross dresser who just needed to find the right person who would accept me for me yada yada. We went round and round for a couple of minutes asking me where I got my clothes and shit like that, but I stayed in character and I won the qualifier for that day. The prize was a 100$ Visa card and a Dr. Phil coffee mug. Pretty cool I thought.

The next day I get a call from the producer of the show telling me that I’m a finalist and to call in to the studio and see if I’d win. So I started getting nervous because if did win I thought I’d have to go on the Dr. Phil show, so I’m live on the air and they make me tell me story again. So again I stayed in character I forgot to tell you I called myself “Ramon” so anyway they had there fun with me because they actually bought it. Some other qualifiers called in as well and the morning crew debated and they announced me as the winner! So I got a trip valued at $3900 bucks according to the tax form I had to fill out. I received 2 round trip tickets on Northwest Airlines, and 4 days at the all-inclusive Azul Beach Hotel in Cancun. I found out I didn’t have to go on Dr. Phil, which I would’ve cause it was a pretty sweet prize, and I got to tell you this kick ass story.

Now you’re probably wondering if my story was true, and if it wasn’t, how the hell did I come up with it? I’ll tell you, about 8 years ago I was listening to Love Line with Adam Carolla & Dr. Drew on the world famous KROQ in LA, and some sick fuck actually told this story on the air. I never forgot it and always told this story to people like it was my own so I could mind fuck them. Now thanks to that sick fucker and ability to bullshit people I won a vacation.

The end...

HA!